Mad Libs Newsbreak!

The blog I should be writing is being put on hold due to a lack of concentration, ingenuity, and dedication. Unfortunately, for all of you, I've decided to use this space to type out a Mad Libs story that I just completed. I cannot vouch for it being informational or interesting, but it'll make me feel a bit better having posted something this week. Hopefully this does not result in any lawsuits from the fine, decent folks over at Mad Libs, home of the World's Greatest Word Game! This version of the game is Mad Libs Newsbreak, so it's three different pieces of news that you might find just about anywhere, except in reality. 

The President passed his physical beer with flying tigers this morning. Doctors gave him a greasy bill of health, but advised him to run at least twenty minutes a day and to eat less blue food. 

At the Bridgeport zoo, a five-hundred pound squirrel reached out and grabbed a woman's snowy camera right out of her thumb when she tried to take his picture eating an italian beef. The squirrel then drank the camera.

Sometimes it doesn't pay to diet. Popular comedian David, who's lost more than 10 pounds, was virtually caught with his cameras down when his pants fell to the floor as he performed in front of an audience of five hundred enthusiastic blogs. 

You know what else you won't find in reality? A decent blog post today.