Doldrums

Not sure what happened this morning, but I'm having trouble shaking this feeling of mediocrity and disappointment. Perhaps if I had a decent Halloween costume, or any Halloween costume, I might feel differently, but like the costume itself, it would just disguise what's actually underneath. And right now I'm not really feeling all that great about what's underneath. I don't even feel like a person at the moment. I'm moving and I'm breathing and unfortunately I'm thinking, but it's more surviving than anything else. There's nothing behind my movements...just going along to go along without any sense of direction. Actually that's not true, I do sense a direction, but it's backwards and that's not the direction I want to be heading. Progress comes and goes I suppose. You take some steps forward. You take some steps back. In the end you hope to be farther along then when you started, but I feel like I've taken many steps in life only to end up at essentially the same place I began.