Fortunate One or Fortunate Son? Probably Both, but Definitely the Latter.

The last thing I want to do right now is bust open a Chinese cookie and eat it, but I am going to do just that because I feel the need to write something for someone, but what I actually want to write isn't going to do either of us any good at the moment so this will have to suffice. I'm just trying to help out a bit in some small, yet hopefully significant way, because this person has always been there for me and I'll be damned if I'm not going to do the same at this point.

Well that was surprising. Not sure when I got this cookie, but it's not nearly as stale as I was expecting. Will small wonders never cease?

You are the evening star in someone's romantic eyes.
Well wasn't expecting that one. No doubt it has to be true, but I'm a gonna just let this one pass and not think too much into it. The only Evening Star I'm concerned about at the moment, and to be honest, I'm not at all concerned with it, is the great song, Evening Star,  off of the Killing Machine album by Judas Priest. You may know it as the Hell Bent for Leather album. Just a little known band out of Birmingham, England. No big deal if you don't know who they are. No big deal that you've chosen to live such a sheltered, worthless life. That's what's so great about America. We can choose that sort of thing for ourselves. And if we do make such a choice, no one even has to bother to care all that much about our choice. But I do, I certainly do. So if you want a copy of Hell Bent for Leather, just ask and I'll deliver the goods.

Lucky #'s 3, 24, 7, 54, 33, 11

Okay this cookie isn't going to be so forgiving as the last...

Geezus, I was right, but it's not so much the staleness, it's the starting to taste way too much like a Communion host at church. That's not a taste I needed right now. And yes, I know some of you are thinking, that's not a taste you ever need Dave, but at the same time a different set of readers are thinking, oh, that's definitely a taste you need right now. I don't know if either of you are correct.

Okay, what's the fortune say?

Anything worth doing can be done. 
How I sort of despise these generic fortunes. That's incorrect, I do despise them. The only reason I buy Chinese food is because I not only want a delicious meal, but I also want the thousands and thousands of years of wisdom that the Chinese have mastered to somehow make its way into my being. If I wanted to mentally digest some shitty Napoleon Hill 20th century quote, I'd just eat some salty ham and pretzels. And believe me, there's nothing wrong with salty ham and pretzels...except for the high sodium content in the ham and the worthless carbohydrates in the pretzels that will convert into sugar way too quickly in your system and lead to diabetes. But we don't have to worry about that, because that meddling in our lives first lady, Michelle Obama, will soon be out on the streets! Damn her for having the audacity to try and help your kids get a meal during school that isn't completely devoid of nutritional value. Who cares if kids are obese these days and that diabetes is out of control and that proper nutrition is just a stupid liberal idea shoved down our desperate for some nutrition throats by douchebag leftist communist vegans! We all did just fine with shitty meals back in grade school, right? Our kids are doing just fine. The kids are alright! Just pump 'em up with a new prescription as soon as it's ready for the almighty free market.

I think I got off track there.

The point I'm trying to make is that anything worth doing can be done, but it can also be done very shoddily or it can be done well. Whattya say we try to do these things well? And, at the same time, not be such dicks to each other? Can we all agree on that, at least in the very small moment that it took to read the sentence?

Maybe?

Just maybe?

Pretty please with plenty of high fructose corn syrup on top?

Lucky #. Ha! Hold on before I get to that. Turned this fortune over to read the lucky numbers and the Chinese word they are forcing me to learn is - Salt.  Okay, it's official...small wonders will definitely never cease.

Lucky #'s 19, 10, 36, 50, 1, 49

Take care.

I'm Angry at You, BFF!

I purchased a new bed frame three Mondays ago, which may not seem like big news to blog about, but I cannot remember the last time I had a bed frame which consisted of anything more than wooden slats, metal bars and really teensy plastic wheels. Okay, okay...the last frame also consisted of milk crates, but you get my point. I haven't had a decent bed frame for a really, really long time. And, oh sure, you might say if you bought it used off Craigslist, it's not really new, but it's new to me and it's in splendid shape, so I'm going to continue going with new bed frame. Stop being a hater.

So I got it home, put it together, moved it perpendicular to how my mattress was previously setup and then I just sat back and admired my new sorta grown up bedroom. I suppose I felt a bit more grown up as well, but I hate to admit that sort of thing. I suppose growing old and up are two different things, and I'm definitely doing more of one than the other, but they're getting closer. At least I think they're getting closer, but perhaps you'd think differently if you saw how many times I woke up last night so I could go to the bathroom.

Yeah...I'm getting older, but that's not to say I've given up on staying young. I joined a gym a few months ago, which was necessary to ease my transition from total lazy fuck to not totally lazy fuck, and so far, so good! Not really hitting the gym these days as often as I might, but I don't really care, as the transition succeeded in preparing my legs for running on the concrete sidewalks of Chicago, and I've been doing quite a lot of that. Four, five, even six times in a week at one point. I like to run and I'm glad that I forced myself to learn that once again. To be honest, my life is currently just about as boring as a life can get without actually slipping into some state of unconsciousness, so all this running is basically my happy time. Granted, it's not the only happy time, but it's certainly in the top two or three...okay, it's probably number one. I told you, my life is kind of boring.

Fast forward one day after buying that bed frame and I'm out running and I get to the point in my run where I stop, drop and roll, wait...stop, stretch, turn around, and walk for a bit. Sorry. But this night, I didn't stop, I just turned around and kept going and going and going until I passed my starting point. Then I stopped and did 25 lunges and then I ran to the park on Lawrence, drank some water and then went out and ran for another two miles. I was feeling pretty damned good that night after all was said and done and it definitely felt like I had turned back the clock a bit on the aging process. It was also nice to blow through what you believe to be possible. Lesson sort of learned...at least in this one instance.

Of course you have to rehydrate after running like that, which means more late night trips to the bathroom, which is no big deal unless it's dark and you kind of forgot that your new bed frame is now sticking out at a completely different angle than it had been for the past couple months.

And I did forget.

Damnit! Broken toe! I'm very angry with you new bed frame friend!

Okay, well I've just assumed it's broken, but I'm not a doctor so I haven't been able to confirm that just yet. However, I know how my toes usually feel and this one definitely does not feel like it usually feels, so in that regard, it's broken, just like my spirit.

In fact, I've already changed my self proclaimed Indian name, Running Spirit with something more appropriate...Disabled Loner.

Oh well, I'll get back to turning back that clock eventually. In the meantime, I'll just ride my bike more and find other things to keep me happy...like this bowl of ice cream!



Blog Post Addendum...

I was out of action for about two weeks. The toe still hurts quite a bit, and it's still kind of swollen and red, but I can run on it just fine as long as I don't inadvertently land on it at a weird angle. My new bed frame friend and I are still not back to where we were, but we both recognize that it's in our best interest to work on resolving our issues. I think with enough effort we'll get there. The ice cream is all finished, but there's more in the freezer.

75% Off This Blog Post!

I'm sitting on the couch watching the Cubs put up some Crooked Hillary numbers during a half inning versus the stupid Brewers. I can't say with any amount of accuracy if the players on the Brewers are stupid or not, but let's be honest, baseball players probably aren't the brightest bunch. Lots of them played ball all their life and never went to college, so I think my assessment has some merit.

Went and got a haircut down the street at the place across from the soon to maybe reopen Davis Theatre. I can't remember the name of the haircut place, as it's not the most clever name I've ever heard, but for $15 they give a pretty solid haircut. I decided on extra short this time for no particular reason. It's summertime. Why do I need hair? The answer is I don't need hair. That is the answer. Also the answer to the name of the place is Studio 4 Hair. Dumb name, but they do have 4.5 out of 5 stars on Yelp, so regardless of the name, they must be doing something right.

Speaking of rights, Hillary is going to take all of yours away as soon as she's sworn into office. You might want to start using them now before they're gone for good. At the very least, post a meme on Facebook about Benghazi or an email server or something. Or don't. I totally get it if you're too upset to do anything. Too distraught. I shouldn't bother saying anything as I know this is a pretty sensitive subject for a lot of folks. I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better about the next four years, but there isn't...oh wait, back the truck up and hold on a second...what's that over there on that shelf for 75% off at my local Lincoln Square Walgreens? And no, I'm not talking about the Hombron or the Flintstones. Luvena...for all your conservative needs! Now with Cranberry Extract!

Which of these three items seems slightly out of place? 

I had no idea what that Hombron product was until I just posted this picture and took a closer look. Even with these glowing Amazon reviews, I think I'll pass on purchasing any Hombron.

"I think it gave my husband a little more energy. Not sure if it actually works or if it's the placebo effect. More energy overall is a plus."

"Keep up the good work."

Those were the only two reviews.

Keep up the good work sounds more like a review for those Flintstones aspirin, not some Mexican boner pill, but what do I know? The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways, huh?

Rusty Rumblings

Don't crash your car.

I just watched the Lady Gaga Bowie tribute at the Grammy's. I thought it was pretty good. Not sure what all the fuss is about. She's a Bowie fan, she performed a tribute to him, and I think she captured enough of his brilliance for the general viewing audience. Could've snuck in pieces of his many, many completely brilliant songs which most folks know nothing of, but that's a minor quibble. 

Are you allowed to end a sentence like that? With an of? I guess I am. (In full disclosure, after proofing this blog, I decided to extend that last sentence, so this no longer applies, but I still do not know the answer to the question).

As much as folks disdain Facebook, and I am certainly guilty of that myself, the On This Day feature is quite entertaining some days. Take for instance this post from years past...

I've removed the year of the post to protect the anonymity of anyone who may want their anonymity protected. That's just the kind of kind person I am. Anyway, reading this at least one year and perhaps as many as nine years later caused me to chuckle this afternoon. I should probably just print this out and keep it with me at all times as some sort of reminder. The good, the bad, and all of the in-between.

That's all I have to say about this Facebook feature at the present moment.

Dang. It's 10:35 PM and I'm still up and I still have so much more to write. At least I think I have more to write. Sometimes being responsible and getting all your sleep in is kind of crappy pants, but it's so much better than not doing that when I wake up in the morning. Anyway, I can stay up a bit later tonight, as earlier in the evening I made two sandwiches, two rather impressive salads, my breakfast for tomorrow, and prepared the smoothie I'll finish making in the morning. I've made more smoothies this year than any year in my life. I'm so damned healthy!

I've also eaten more Fannie May candy this year than I've ever eaten in any year of my existence. That reminds me, Valentine's Day has come and gone. The Fannie May store on Michigan and Wacker most likely has amazing deals of 50-75% off regular wallet gouging prices.

Leave me alone diabetes! You've no right to keep shoving those CTA ads in my face. I don't want to go in for a study. Study yourself. I did. That's how I graduated high school and college and grade school and the driving exam at the DMV. Take responsibility for your own disease and just leave everyone else alone.

I don't know why that last paragraph happened.

Perhaps I should just let that sale pass without stopping in for a quick perusal.

But man, if you do stop in, the two women folk who work there at night are just simply the nicest, the kindest, and the most pleasant chocolate pushers I've ever known. I'm serious. In the short time I've come to know both of them, it's already to the point where I've asked each of them if they or any of their immediate family are in need of a liver or bone marrow or even a cornea. I care that much about them.



So see...that Valentine's Day message from above was accurate.

:)

To My Special Sweetheart Cutie!

Thanks, Mary Mac! You always were quite prescient with your wisdom, and this case is certainly no exception. I was all of 15 days old when I was given this card, but to be honest, I really don't remember receiving it, which seems like it might be a bit ungrateful, but I'm going to give my 15 day old self a break on this one. Forty-two years later, I probably just don't remember the quick smile and the "we're all cool" fist bump I gave my Aunt as acknowledgement for her kindness.

So to sum up…I'm special, I'm a sweetheart, and I'm cute as can be.

And so are all of you my dear readers!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Try, Try and Try again.

I can't blog.

There, I said it.

I can, I just sort of can't.

Everything I want to write about seems important enough that I actually want to write a good, serious, and still kinda humorous blog about the topic. I think I've started eight different blogs over the past month and I only finished a couple and didn't publish any of them. Okay, well I posted the one, but that was short and really wasn't necessarily worth all the time it may have taken for certain folks internet connections to pull in the small amount of data that was that blog.

You win some, you lose some, and sometimes you just do whatever the hell you need to do to make yourself content. Me writing a silly blog just to have one posted during the month of August was something that needed to be done.

So now I present you with this, hopefully better blog, which promises to break absolutely no new ground here in cyberspace!

I want you to pronounce that cyberspace! just like Stephen Colbert excitedly announced Jeb! Bush last night on the premiere of his new show. Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! I won't comment on his politics, but he comes across as likable enough for the most part. As for the excitement part, definitely, it's there. I'll be shocked if The Pleasure Chest isn't completely sold out of Jeb! Bush erotic Halloween costumes (for men and women) by mid to late October. I tell ya, I'll be hornswaggled by the ass of a mute goat. Needless to say, I'm pretty bullish on the PC's stock right now. Me say invest, and fast! Faster than a four legged roll of toilet paper curled up next to some succotash!

Oh yeah...Buban Bash party is Saturday, October 10th. Just wanted to get that out there before my lazy ass writes up an actual invitation. If you read this, you're invited.

Unless I don't have any idea who you are and your desperate attempts at finding out the location become way too obvious and encroach on our personal space and safety.

Eh, we're in the phone book. If you take the time to locate one of those and you have the wherewithall to actually find our address (hint...the books in alphabetical order) then of course you can come to the party. Welcome.

That was more than I had planned to write about that topic.

I've spent a good amount of time with friends that I love over the past few weeks. This was one blog topic I started and couldn't figure out. Just know that it was great seeing all of you and damnit, now I'm mad I didn't connect with that final friend in the mix. Dang. Anyway, seeing all of you, once again, did wonders for my soul. Thanks.

And to those I didn't see, but communicated with through the wonders of technology, thank you as well!

And to those that I didn't see and didn't communicate with, that's okay. Next time we'll be there for one another.

Oh, and I guess I was a bit disappointed in the Colbert debut. Didn't think it would be so similar to his Comedy Central show, so I was kinda torn due to my immense respect for him, because it was also so nice to see him in that familiar role once again. Opening night jitters probably. It'll smooth out eventually, at least for those of you who have a better internet connection than I do, or who watch on an actual television. Kinda choppy, and the five minutes of stupid commercials at one point didn't help either.

Air conditioning is nice.

My roommate Alex and I played some frisbee tonight. It was also nice. The frisbee has a pepperoni pizza painted on the topside. I don't know that that actually means anything in the long run, but I love frisbee and I love pizza so combining those two things into one activity was quite enjoyable.

I also don't know if using that that in a row in a sentence is poor formatting. Grammar and I never understood each other. We still don't.

Oh what's that I hear? Those stupid neighbors bitching about something once again. Nope. I thought that's what it was, but I guess it's just a couple of drunks arguing out in the alley. They've either passed out or moved on with their late night activities. All the best to both of you in your journeys.

I'll be at Riot Fest Friday night if any of you are going and want to share in the making of some future memory. Looking forward to Faith No More and whoever else might be playing that day. I should look that up sometime in the next two days.

Finally, to break from tradition, I present you this fortune...

Hold on while I open it up and eat it.

Seriously, hold on...give me a fucking minute here.

Okay got it.

Expect much of yourself and little of others.

That's kind of true, but also quite cynical. I liked it at first, then I didn't like it at second. Now I'm stuck at third and I don't know whether I should head for home or stay at third base, as the third base coach is really kind of an idiot and I wouldn't trust his direction more than I'd trust a horny walrus jostling around in a nest full of spider eggs.

Obviously this didn't get posted when I wrote it, as I still couldn't do it. I'll do it now. I'll figure out this bloggers block at some point. I'll figure out this everything sounds stupid when I go back and read it again at some point. That point isn't now, but I'll get there.

Have a good week.

Photo Desperation.

It's desperation because I just wanted to publish one blog before this August bids farewell to all of us. 

I started writing two blogs tonight, neither of which were getting to where I needed them to be. Well, I started one, realized it wouldn't work, started on another and then realized that wouldn't work as well, so I decided to just find a dumb photo and post that. 

It's sort of like cheating, but it really doesn't matter to anyone except myself. 

I'm currently suffering through some sort of writers block. It could be laziness. It could be lack of motivation. It could be depression. It's probably all of the above. I'm forcing myself to write this. I mean, I want to write it, I really do, I just don't have any faith in the words I'm producing. 

I guess that happens every now and again. 

Also, I have no idea what this picture was actually supposed to be. Certainly not a blur. 

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to cheat. 

Quantity over quality, right?