Try, Try and Try again.

I can't blog.

There, I said it.

I can, I just sort of can't.

Everything I want to write about seems important enough that I actually want to write a good, serious, and still kinda humorous blog about the topic. I think I've started eight different blogs over the past month and I only finished a couple and didn't publish any of them. Okay, well I posted the one, but that was short and really wasn't necessarily worth all the time it may have taken for certain folks internet connections to pull in the small amount of data that was that blog.

You win some, you lose some, and sometimes you just do whatever the hell you need to do to make yourself content. Me writing a silly blog just to have one posted during the month of August was something that needed to be done.

So now I present you with this, hopefully better blog, which promises to break absolutely no new ground here in cyberspace!

I want you to pronounce that cyberspace! just like Stephen Colbert excitedly announced Jeb! Bush last night on the premiere of his new show. Jeb! Jeb! Jeb! I won't comment on his politics, but he comes across as likable enough for the most part. As for the excitement part, definitely, it's there. I'll be shocked if The Pleasure Chest isn't completely sold out of Jeb! Bush erotic Halloween costumes (for men and women) by mid to late October. I tell ya, I'll be hornswaggled by the ass of a mute goat. Needless to say, I'm pretty bullish on the PC's stock right now. Me say invest, and fast! Faster than a four legged roll of toilet paper curled up next to some succotash!

Oh yeah...Buban Bash party is Saturday, October 10th. Just wanted to get that out there before my lazy ass writes up an actual invitation. If you read this, you're invited.

Unless I don't have any idea who you are and your desperate attempts at finding out the location become way too obvious and encroach on our personal space and safety.

Eh, we're in the phone book. If you take the time to locate one of those and you have the wherewithall to actually find our address (hint...the books in alphabetical order) then of course you can come to the party. Welcome.

That was more than I had planned to write about that topic.

I've spent a good amount of time with friends that I love over the past few weeks. This was one blog topic I started and couldn't figure out. Just know that it was great seeing all of you and damnit, now I'm mad I didn't connect with that final friend in the mix. Dang. Anyway, seeing all of you, once again, did wonders for my soul. Thanks.

And to those I didn't see, but communicated with through the wonders of technology, thank you as well!

And to those that I didn't see and didn't communicate with, that's okay. Next time we'll be there for one another.

Oh, and I guess I was a bit disappointed in the Colbert debut. Didn't think it would be so similar to his Comedy Central show, so I was kinda torn due to my immense respect for him, because it was also so nice to see him in that familiar role once again. Opening night jitters probably. It'll smooth out eventually, at least for those of you who have a better internet connection than I do, or who watch on an actual television. Kinda choppy, and the five minutes of stupid commercials at one point didn't help either.

Air conditioning is nice.

My roommate Alex and I played some frisbee tonight. It was also nice. The frisbee has a pepperoni pizza painted on the topside. I don't know that that actually means anything in the long run, but I love frisbee and I love pizza so combining those two things into one activity was quite enjoyable.

I also don't know if using that that in a row in a sentence is poor formatting. Grammar and I never understood each other. We still don't.

Oh what's that I hear? Those stupid neighbors bitching about something once again. Nope. I thought that's what it was, but I guess it's just a couple of drunks arguing out in the alley. They've either passed out or moved on with their late night activities. All the best to both of you in your journeys.

I'll be at Riot Fest Friday night if any of you are going and want to share in the making of some future memory. Looking forward to Faith No More and whoever else might be playing that day. I should look that up sometime in the next two days.

Finally, to break from tradition, I present you this fortune...

Hold on while I open it up and eat it.

Seriously, hold on...give me a fucking minute here.

Okay got it.

Expect much of yourself and little of others.

That's kind of true, but also quite cynical. I liked it at first, then I didn't like it at second. Now I'm stuck at third and I don't know whether I should head for home or stay at third base, as the third base coach is really kind of an idiot and I wouldn't trust his direction more than I'd trust a horny walrus jostling around in a nest full of spider eggs.

Obviously this didn't get posted when I wrote it, as I still couldn't do it. I'll do it now. I'll figure out this bloggers block at some point. I'll figure out this everything sounds stupid when I go back and read it again at some point. That point isn't now, but I'll get there.

Have a good week.

Photo Desperation.

It's desperation because I just wanted to publish one blog before this August bids farewell to all of us. 

I started writing two blogs tonight, neither of which were getting to where I needed them to be. Well, I started one, realized it wouldn't work, started on another and then realized that wouldn't work as well, so I decided to just find a dumb photo and post that. 

It's sort of like cheating, but it really doesn't matter to anyone except myself. 

I'm currently suffering through some sort of writers block. It could be laziness. It could be lack of motivation. It could be depression. It's probably all of the above. I'm forcing myself to write this. I mean, I want to write it, I really do, I just don't have any faith in the words I'm producing. 

I guess that happens every now and again. 

Also, I have no idea what this picture was actually supposed to be. Certainly not a blur. 

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to cheat. 

Quantity over quality, right? 

Week in Review

Last Monday night, I rode my bike home from work and decided, at the last minute, that it would be a good idea to stop in at McDonald's and buy a chocolate milkshake.

In hindsight, it wasn't such a good idea.

Tuesday night I rode all the way home, but once I arrived, I thought it would be a good idea to go to Freddie's and buy a chocolate milkshake.

Wednesday night I also bought a chocolate milkshake from Freddie's.

Thursday night, I stopped at McDonald's and bought a chocolate milkshake.

Friday night I did not have a milkshake, but I did eat some ice cream.

Saturday night I did not have a milkshake and I did not have any ice cream.

Sunday night I had some fried ice cream.

Tonight I bought another chocolate milkshake at Freddie's.

Apparently, I'm menopausal.

Or maybe it's just warm out and ice cream brings a small sense of relief to these old bones.

I think I'll stop drinking chocolate milkshakes for a while. I've had enough.



My roommates went camping at Starved Rock for a few days, so I have the place all to myself...for the most part. My roommates used to just be Bob and Rhom and Greg and Maxine, but our friend Lauren moved in a couple days ago and will be staying here for a few months, so I'm not really by myself. Maxine is still here as well, as she's a cat and kind of prefers to just hang out in the apartment relaxing and eating and drinking and pooping in the litter box and climbing on things and wandering around and, of course, napping whenever she wants. When she first arrived, I couldn't even pet her for more than about two seconds before she'd bite and claw at my hand. Yesterday when I came home from work, she was on the couch rolled over on her back and she let me pet her belly for a good 20 full pets before she started putting her paws around my hand, which used to mean she was about to attack, but now she just sort of does that and I ease up on the petting and then we sing a happy song about lilacs and tape measures and then we agree to go our separate ways for a while. That was a very long sentence. Point is, I'm pretty good with cats.



I was on Facebook a little while ago, as I wanted to find out what time a yoga class was going to start on Wednesday. As I was looking for that information, I noticed that there was a feature called "Today in the Past", which shows you some of your old status updates from years past on this date. Mine weren't all that interesting (something about indecision and another with Judas Priest lyrics), but I clicked on show more posts like this, and apparently, one year ago today, I was at the Portage Park swimming pool frolicking in the water with my sister and brother and my nieces. Just wrote about that in a blog not too long ago. Those were the days...fun in the sun.

Now the only sun I get is riding my bike to and from work. I put in another seven days of work this past week. 12 hour days on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Tomorrow, I'll ask to see if we'll be working this coming weekend. I have a feeling the answer will be yes, but I'll ask anyway, just in case that's not the answer. I really don't know what I'll do if I don't have to work. Not that there's not plenty to do, I just haven't had to think about what to do on a weekend in so long, that it's a somewhat foreign concept at this point. I mean I did have last weekend off, as I went to Pitchfork, but that was planned many months ago and it consumed all of my weekend. To actually have nothing to do on a weekend seems to be the most glorious thing I can imagine at this point.

I'm not going to get my hopes up.

And that's my week in review. Chocolate milkshakes and work. I live a very simple life these days.

Have yourself a fine week my friends!

Stupid Holiday!

I happened upon a sign on the wall at work about a week ago and immediately thought that I liked the design, but I didn't actually pay much attention to the sign, as it's not unusual for prints to be temporarily put up on walls at work. Sometimes they want to test if they will adhere. Sometimes they just want to get a sense of what it looks like. Sometimes they probably have some other reason that I don't really know about.

However, later on that day, I went to the bathroom and saw the same sign on the door. I realized it was probably something I was supposed to read, so I did. Underneath the Uncle Sam graphic was a lot of text that told me we had this Friday, the 3rd of July, off from work. We were all wished a happy 4th of July.

I was disappointed.

This would be the first time in my life I was disappointed by getting a day off from work.

Hopefully it's not the last time.

As of today, I've worked 24 days in a row. I was kind of hoping to get that up into the 40's, or, at the least, the high 30's. My hopes were completely dashed by what would normally be a welcome sign of happiness.

I don't quite understand my desire to work so much these days. That's not quite right, I understand some of it, but not all of it.

The easy answer is the money. Time and a half is a good thing. Double time on Sundays is even better. Much larger paychecks are a great thing. Quickly vanishing debt is also a great thing. Might as well accept all this overtime while it's available, right?

The other answer is that I enjoy working for this company. I've only worked here for six months and I still feel as if I need to prove myself to them. Actually, I think I've probably already done more than enough to prove myself over these past six months, but busting my ass to help them get this project finished in time certainly can't hurt. As my friend recently told me, establishing credibility is a good thing. I've already done that, but I'm going to make damn sure they get the message.

One of the owners has an office right around the corner from where I normally work when I'm doing what they hired me to do. He called out my name last week and I thought he needed help with something. I was busy so I couldn't walk around the corner to see what he needed right away, but a few moments later he walked over to where I was and told me that he really appreciated all the work I was doing for the company and that he wanted to make sure I knew that it hadn't gone unnoticed. I thanked him and said I was glad to help out. It's nice to be thanked and appreciated. Feels good. Makes you want to help out even more.

Thanking others and letting them know I appreciate them is something I'm working on. Seems like I'm working on just about everything regarding myself these days, but better late than never I guess. Hopefully some of it actually sticks.

Insert smiley face emoticon right here.

Anyway, back on course...1000 points of light....

That same owner also told me a couple of days later after I had asked him if he wanted me to stay late to work on a project, that he was giving me carte blanche to work whatever overtime I thought was necessary to get the work finished on time. He told me that he trusted me and that I had a good head on my shoulders. He's probably right. We have to fill out overtime slips for each day that we work over eight hours and part of that form requires writing down who approved the overtime. Now I can just write down, "I approved this overtime beyotch!"

I probably won't do that. I'll just put down the owners name, drop the form in the slot and head home.

So lots of work. Lots of helping out. Lots of being tired. Lots of not having time for much else. What little bit of social life I had has completely disappeared from my expectations. I'm okay with that. Only one more month to go for this project. So far summer has been rainy and kind of cold, so working this much isn't such a bad thing. I don't feel like I'm missing out on all that much. What does bother me is getting home and being too exhausted to do all the things I was doing for the last few months before June came around. Blogging frequently is one of those things. This makes me sad a bit. Well, not really sad, but kind of annoyed that I don't have as much time to sit down and write out as much nonsense as I had been doing. Guess I just have to do more to find the time.

In the meantime, I'll get to bed so I can get up in the morning and bike to work for day number 25.

It's good to like your job.

Artwork on the Commute.

I used to commute on the Brown Line from Western to the Merchandise Mart a few years back, well...quite a few years back. Passing by this art installation was always one of my favorite parts of the journey. Such a simple work of art, but quite powerful at the same time. Well done to whoever came up with this idea and brought it to fruition. I should Google it and find out everything there is to know about it, but I don't really care about that at this point. Sometimes it's better to just admire something for what it is, rather than finding out everything about it.

I don't take the Brown line all that often anymore, but every now and again, I do, and it's always a nice surprise when the train rumbles on by whatever building it is that this very large piece of printing is installed on. 

As an aside, and I know I should stay out of this sort of thing on this here, fun for you to read blog, but I don't feel like it, so... 

Does anyone else find it interesting that Jack Kevorkian and Ronald Reagan are listed right next to each other? Too bad Jack Kevorkian wasn't by Reagan's bedside back in...oh, say...1979, helping to administer a warm, beautiful, lethal dose of go off to see Jesus now my friend. 

Oh well. Can't have everything.

Regardless, we still have this majestic piece of artwork.

That's not so bad. 

Weekend Whatevers...

One day, when I actually learn how to use grammar correctly, I'll stop using so many ellipses in my writing, but that day is not today and it will not be tomorrow.

Perhaps I should have given my notice the other day. I worked eight hours on Saturday and eight hours again today, and I'm kind of beat. This massive job for (insert giant corporation that everyone has heard of here) has finally come to fruition as far as my overtime is concerned, and I've been asked to work weekends through the end of July. That's not to say there won't be a day off every once in a while, but to be honest, I don't really know if that's going to happen. I wasn't really looking forward to this summer anyway. That's a lie, sort of, but there's also a good amount of truth to it. I'm trying to gear myself up for this blatant abuse of my labor, but I'm not really doing a very good job at it.

Part of me wants it for the money, but the other, lazier part of me, doesn't really want it all. At this point, the money part seems to be winning out, but the lazier part is really kind of annoyed at the money part. I have never in my life worked that many days in a row, and I probably won't have to when all is said and done, but that's what I'm planning on. At least it's only through July. I'll still have August to enjoy the sunshine and warmth, hopefully. If we get another one of these shit summers that don't actually happen, I'll be disappointed if I miss the nice days. But I don't know what's going to happen, so I'm not too worried about it at this point. My debt free plan by the end of the year will be happy for the overtime, I know that much. I still may not meet that goal, but I'll be a hell of a lot closer than I would have been without the overtime.

That's called progress, my friends.

Go Blackhawks! One!

I shaved my inadvertent Stanley Cup beard tonight. I didn't shave it off, just trimmed it, as I couldn't take the scratchiness discomfort on my neck. It already feels much better. I haven't actually watched any of the Hawks playoff games or Stanley Cup games so far this year. Part of that is not having cable. Part of it is working too much. Part of it is that my Blackhawks playoff watching buddy has moved. Part of it is not wanting to go to the bar to watch, as my roommates don't go to the bars too often, and I didn't really want to go by myself. However, I've asked my roommate Greg and our mutual, good friend Jay to go tomorrow night. It's fun to watch and it would be a shame to miss out on what I predict will be a Stanley Cup victory tomorrow night. That's right. I'm calling it right here on this blog! The Blackhawks will be Champions tomorrow night! Not many people have the balls to make that kind of bold, off the cuff, type of prediction, but I do. I have those balls. Fair weather fans are the greatest at making stupid comments and predictions.

Also I found these awesome shades on Friday night. Looks like I'm set for whatever will be left of my summer. Also, looks like these shades will be taking me places...hardy, har har!

Nothing like a lame joke to end this blog and your weekend. Enjoy yourselves my friends!

I'm Grateful...

My sister gave me some advice tonight to sit down and write out all the things I'm grateful for in life. I sort of scoffed at the idea when she sent it, as I already do that on a daily basis, but usually it's in the morning not too long after I wake up. I have the Gratitude! app on my phone. You write down a few things you are grateful for and then you hit the done button and up pops a nice message of inspiration. It's a good way to start my day. Usually helps to put me in a decent frame of mind before I go about with the majority of my day.

Today was a bit more difficult though. I did my best to start the day off right, but the circumstances of the day slowly wore away my good intentions. It's just one of those days, I suppose. Actually, it's not just one of those days. It's a day that seems as if it should have had a different outcome, a different plan, a different result. Should have, could have, right?

Anyway, so I was going to write down a list of things I'm grateful for in life, but then I realized that would probably be pretty boring, so I'll just type out a few of them and expand on why I'm grateful for them. That's not to say it still won't be boring, but perhaps slightly less boring than just a list.

I'm grateful for my roommates. 
When I moved into this place, I had never met any of them. They had no idea who I was or whether I'd be a good roommate, but they were nothing but gracious in welcoming me into their home. I'm not always the easiest person to get to know, so it was a bit awkward for a while, but it wasn't too long before we all figured it out and realized there was much fun to be had in this space. Good people recognize good people. That's not to say we're not all dumb every now and again, but the good parts trump the dumb parts. Thanks Greg, Rhom, Jen, and Bob.

I'm grateful for this avocado I will eat tomorrow. 
I feel as if I've sort of taken the avocado for granted over the years. I love guacamole, but I sort of dismissed it over the years, as I was tired of paying $6 for guacamole and only getting enough to eat half the serving of chips. Actually, I'm still bitter about that, but I've been buying them at the store and incorporating their soft, green deliciousness into my diet for the past few months and it's been nothing but pure happiness for my taste buds. I wonder if Jesus ever ate an avocado. I'll have to google that picture of the last supper to see if there's a bowl of guac on there somewhere. Maybe it won't be there as that was probably served as an appetizer while all those disciples were milling around making small talk. Regardless, I'm thankful for my avocado.

I'm grateful for this painting that I found today. 

I have no idea who this is, but as soon as I glanced upon it, I knew I needed to have it. Not unlike all the teen girls back in 1986 who too easily relinquished their tattered, flimsy veneer of innocence for a (most likely) disappointing quickie on the tour bus. It probably made for a great story when they got back to high school, but that skank label, once applied, is not easily removed.

Anyone know who this guy might be? The painting...and I had my roommate Alex verify that it is indeed a painting...is signed on the back by Lisa (last name I will not reveal) and it's dated 1986. I was in sixth grade back then. This guy was probably on his sixth shot of penicillin for his chronic case of syphillis.

Anyway, I'm grateful for finding this painting.

And I'm grateful for all the good times I've had the honor of sharing with all of you over the years. Life sucks sometimes, and it definitely did today, but it's always helpful to take a few steps back in order to appreciate all the good that also happens to us. Sometimes it's appreciating another person. Sometimes it's appreciating a passing smile. Sometimes it's having just enough laundry detergent to finish that last load of dirty clothes. Sometimes it's just nothing in particular...just soaking in the moment.

And sometimes, you just have to thank your sister Jennifer for helping you out when you need it.

Thanks, Jennifer. Love you!

Quick Fortune

I bought some Chinese food a few weeks back and I received two fortune cookies for my effort. Personally I would have preferred at least one more, but I don't own the restaurant and I didn't specify that preference when I placed the order, so I really can't be choosy about how many fortune cookies they casually throw in the bag. Hours later, after consuming a good portion of that chinese food, I decided to eat one of the two cookies. I didn't just grab the first one I saw, I contemplated the decision and then finally carefully chose one of the cookies to eat and read. I always completely eat the cookie before I read the fortune. This is what the fortune had to tell me...

Let someone know how special they are to you. 

I posted a photo of it on Instagram, so I think I took care of letting whoever needed to know how special they were to me, know just how special they were to me through the magic of a slightly blurry photograph. Perhaps many people needed to know this, I have no idea. It's really neither here nor there at this point. You're all special to me in some sort of way that is unique to you and no one else. Well also unique to me I guess. I hope, maybe? Perhaps not. 

I opened up the other fortune cookie tonight. 

Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be fish. 

Interesting. 

I'm trying to remember the last time I was in a pool, but I'm drawing a blank. Anyway, there must have been a hell of a lot of fish in there, which is probably not all that sanitary or normal for most pools, but they must have been in there, otherwise this fortune is complete horseshit. 

And I can't believe that. 

Actually, I do remember the last time I was in a pool. It was last summer at some pool on the Northwest side of Chicago. I jumped off the high dive, which scared the crap out of me. I did it once and then decided that was good enough. Sometimes you have to take a chance and jump into the pool even though you have no interest in looking down to see what's below. I didn't want to look, but I did. I jumped anyway, mostly because I was next in line and would have looked like a complete pussy if I hung my head and walked backwards towards the ladder. But I wanted to jump, I just didn't want to look first.

I still don't want to look.

But I guess I have to. 

Decisions...Decisions...

I had a long, monotonous day at work today. Printing can be rather monotonous and routing can be even more monotonous sometimes. It's just the nature of the business. I do like my job. I like the people there. I like the culture. I like the work ethic of helping out wherever and whenever it's needed. I like the fact that salespeople and owners pitch in and help out when it's needed. And I'm not talking about giving advice or helping production for a half hour here and there. I'm talking about them spending a good portion of the day taping up boxes so the job gets out on time. I appreciate that sort of effort. It's nice to see it from just about everyone in the company, including myself. I've spent many days, when I don't have to print things on the press, taping up boxes, or applying easels to the back of a thousand pieces of foam-cor so that DeVry University and Minor League Baseball can get their message out to where they want it. And very rarely, so far, has it bothered me. Headphones, podcasts and music help out with that, but if everyone didn't help out, it wouldn't be nearly as easy to endure. It's often mindless, repetitive work, that would normally drive me mad, but it hasn't.

WIT! Whatever It Takes, as I was taught at an old company that certainly did not have this kind of pervasive work ethic. You can't force this sort of thing down the throats of your employees if you don't also back it up by doing it yourself. It's not a mantra at this company, it's how everyone goes about their business. If I need help with something and ask, I get the help I need. If someone needs help with something, I help them with it. Do I always show up with a smiley face, ready to do the best I can. Of course not, but it's a lot easier here than at just about every other job I've ever had.

Printing isn't the most exciting job in the world, but I think most jobs are like that. If you don't love what you do, it's going to pretty much be the same thing time and time again and over and over again and you're going to end up despising waking up for work at some point or another. Do I love printing? Not necessarily. Do I have to love it? Probably not. Do I appreciate how much work it is to create something for a client, regardless of the fact that almost no one knows a damn thing about printing, even though they encounter it constantly throughout every single day of their existence? I do. It's a means to an end at this point, but it's nice to work for a company that makes it much easier to enjoy the work. I put in 25 hours of overtime last week, which I haven't done in many, many years, if ever. It made for a nice paycheck and it was nice to pay off more of my debt (40% knocked off in the past four months by the end of June), but it wasn't all that awesome working Saturday and Sunday and then working three 12 hour shifts during the week. Waking up at 5:00 am is not something I can do easily. The bike ride to work was a lot faster without the traffic though. Funny thing is, I've only worked three weekend days in the five months I've been at this job, and they've all been spent running equipment that I wasn't hired to run. It's a good thing to learn new tasks.

So my decision is that I'm going to give my notice tomorrow.

I'm moving on.

I'm selling most of my possessions and I'm going to hop on the next freight car heading West. It's time for a bit of adventure. I'm in the process of cashing out my 401K. I'll pay off the rest of my debt and then I'm outta this place. I don't belong in Chicago anymore. It's lost it's luster. Or lustre, if you prefer that spelling. I know, I know, it's a completely different definition with that spelling, but it's a printing term, so I threw it in here for fun. This hasn't been an easy decision, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Armed with my ancient laptop and my camera and some clothes and my iPod, I'll be just fine. I'll make my own way into the distance and I'll be sure to let you all know about it from time to time. Change has never been easy for me, as you probably know from the past few months, but embracing change is what I need to do. Accepting it just doesn't cut it anymore. Take big leaps and risks...blah, blah, blah...you know the tune, but it's time. Leaving my friends and family and the most exciting, youthful Cubs team I've ever known isn't going to be easy. FYI, I've got some Cubs tickets for sale. I don't know where I'm going or where I'm going to end up, but I'll figure it out and I'll be more content with life along the way. This is long overdue.

I turned down a free My Morning Jacket ticket from one of my best friends in the whole wide world today. The show is tomorrow night. I've seen them numerous times and they are great live, but I need to get some things done back at the homestead. And now, my brother Dan just texted me about going to see the Pixies and Robert Plant tomorrow night. I'm contemplating it, as the Pixies are pretty fucking great and I haven't seen them in quite a while. And yes, I prefer the solo work of Frank Black to the Pixies, but that work is just an extension of what came before, and what came before was some of the most influential, original music to be created since Warrant released Cherry Pie back in the 80's. How can I pass this up?

Decisions...decisions....

I'm not quitting my job. I'm not moving. All of that was lies. I'm just trying to decide whether I should go to the Pixies show tomorrow night. Sorry I lied to you. Fortunately, all the stuff about work was true. I'll be back there tomorrow and hopefully I'll be there for quite a while. I can work on the things I need to do to be happy and still have this job at the same time. Just have to organize my time a bit more to make it all fit in. We all have the same amount of time each day, right? Spending it on the things we need to spend it on is the key. I'd like to say I lost that insight, but I'm not sure I ever had it in the first place. I'm trying to discover it now. I'm trying to put it into practice. I'm trying to appreciate each moment as it occurs or at least just take it for what it is with the realization that I'm the one that gives those moments whatever truth I want to give them. I'm the one who decides how to process everything that happens in this lifetime. I'm the only one who can flip the switch from negative to at least neutral and preferably positive.

So many decisions to make along the way as each moment appears.

Chicago...At Least a Small Portion of It.

I used to see this view whenever I walked out my bedroom door onto the back porch when I lived over there on Chicago Avenue. I actually had three doors in my bedroom, not counting the closet doors. This was the only door that led to the outside though, and the only door that led to this sort of view.

I didn't attempt to photograph the skyline all too often, but obviously I did that night. Took out my camera and tripod and made the effort to find something decent through the lens. You can be the judge of whether or not I was successful.

And yes, I've manipulated this photo a bit, well quite a bit, but that's what life is all about. Manipulating things until you get it to where you want it to be. Manipulating doesn't have such a great reputation, but when you manipulate things in order to grow as a person, the meaning changes to some extent and it's not such a bad thing....assuming you're not harming anyone else. And quite frankly, all I did was jack up the contrast a bit, sharpen it, and reduce the saturation to zero, so really that's not all that much manipulation. Believe me, I've seen much worse, and I'll probably be writing about it soon enough if I decide to write a blog about what I've seen on Instagram.

Anyway, first blog of June, 2015. I've been busy. There will be more, but I thought I'd start it off with an easy one.

Throwback Thursday Kindergarten Edition

I don't know why I was always late getting to school before the bell rang in kindergarten. Perhaps I was too exhausted from riding my wagon around the neighborhood the night before? Perhaps I stayed up too late watching the Dukes of Hazzard with my father? Perhaps that was one of the nights I got spanked for lighting my paper garbage can on fire in my room? Perhaps I was just too sick to get to school on time, as I missed a good month of that year being sick? Perhaps I just didn't have any desire to get to catholic school on time? Perhaps I thought I was too smart for crayons and chalkboards and nuns and whatever else I had to endure in that classroom? Perhaps I just liked to sleep in sometimes?

I really don't know the reason, but I lived less than one small city block from St. Matthias school, so there must have been good reasons for me not to be there when I was supposed to be there. That's a lot of theres in that sentence. I do recall that sometimes when I was late, my brothers friends would try to sneak me in by surrounding me as they walked into the school, but apparently it didn't work all that well. I thank them for trying.

Apparently the school was saving money by writing a detention note for both myself and my brother, Michael. Times were tough back in 1979 in Lincoln Square.

Sad Blog

I decided to venture up to the roof tonight as it was pretty stormy and cloudy and rainy for most of the day, but the sun had started shining and I wanted to see what the skyline looked like from way up there. It's Bridgeport...there's not too much in the way of the view downtown, but I did forget about the trees, and they were tall enough and filled with leaves to block a bit of the view. It's still a good view, but I didn't find the photo opportunity I was looking for. Another time, perhaps.

During my time up there I ventured over to look at the alleys below and I spied the neighbor kid looking like he was sneaking out of the backyard. Him and his friend left the yard and started running down the alley towards the front of the house. He's probably about five years old, perhaps six...I don't really know as I guess I just don't quite know how old kids are these days. It's been so long since I was that age that I just lump all kids into one giant kid age group. No idea how old they are. He could be ten for all I know. Anyway, it should have been a cute moment watching a child gingerly open the gate and then start running down the alleyway, but all I thought of in that moment was that I wish he was running away from home. That's if you can call it a home where he lives. It's hardly that. More of a dwelling or just a house or perhaps a shelter? His Mom (and I use that term very loosely) would be in the running for Mom of the Year if Mom of the Year criteria consisted of yelling and swearing at her kids. I don't know what goes on inside that house, but I've heard enough from what has gone on outside it to know that that kid is going to have a lot to overcome. If she's not screaming at her kids, she's screaming at her husband/boyfriend/whatever he is. It's just a lot of hate happening inside that house. I've never seen her hit her kids, assuming they are hers in the first place, but the mental pain she's unleashed is probably just as bad, if not worse. 

He's just a kid and he has to deal with all of this crap already. The crap is supposed to come later on in life, not so soon. I had an odd childhood as my parents divorced when I was just out of kindergarten, but I didn't have to deal with that kind of daily abuse. Perhaps it's not daily, but I doubt it. The winter deafened (to my ears) most of the outpouring of disgust from her mouth, but the summer is bringing it out again. Seems as if it's always stormy inside that house. It's too bad she wasn't infertile. 

And on the opposite end of the pain spectrum, I received a text on my way home from work today that my cousin Vicky is in hospice and perhaps has four weeks left in her life. I don't believe she's even made it to the age of 60 yet. Some sort of cancer will take another life too soon. I'm not all that close with her or her siblings as we've all sort of lost touch for some reason or another, but it's still sobering to realize a relative is about to die. She has requested no calls or visitors as she fades into another existence.

I don't even know that much about her. I do know she had a love for music...Jethro Tull and Fleetwood Mac come to mind when I think of her, as I know she went to some of those concerts over the years. I suppose it's also sad that I don't really know much more than that. A life is about to end and I hardly know anything about that life. It's too easy to lose touch. It's too easy to not care. It's too easy to not bother. It's too easy to take life for granted. 

I don't know what it feels like to know you're going to die, but I can't imagine it's a good feeling. Perhaps if all of your life has been spent suffering and feeling pain, the end would be something to look forward to, but...there is no but...it probably is a relief to die. I'm just not sure how it feels when that isn't the case and you've lived a good life, but it's all coming to a close faster than you probably expected or wanted. 

We don't really have that much time here in our lives. Sometimes it feels like it's forever and sometimes our pains feel like they will never end and sometimes it all feels completely hopeless and worthless, but it's not. We're all here for some reason, whether we ever figure that reason out for ourselves or not. Every life teaches a lesson to someone, somewhere, and it's our responsibility to absorb the lessons and learn from them. These lessons aren't always easy to absorb. We're not always as absorbent as those Charmin Bears in soaking up the excrement of life. We just have to keep trying I guess. Death and the pain others are experiencing can provide some perspective on our own suffering, or what we think of as suffering, but it doesn't make our pain go away. It just sheds a little more light on the delicate nature of life. Perhaps we learn from that, perhaps we don't. 

Hopefully that neighbor child has a good supply of toilet paper to get him through the shitstorm he has to endure every single day of his life. And I guess I'll see be attending a funeral in the not too distant future, so I can celebrate a life and connect with those still living relatives I pretty much only see at funerals. 

Hopefully I've learned another lesson. 

Sad blog indeed. 

Toilings of Today/Ugly Rumors Rested...

I had a dream the other day. Not one of those life changing dreams like MLK had, but it was significant, as the music died that day. I was talking to one of the women who I played with on a baseball team and I was cautiously letting her know I thought it would be best if she stopped playing second base, as she couldn't catch, couldn't field and certainly couldn't throw, not that she'd need to throw, as the ball never once got anywhere near her glove. She laughed and then completely agreed with my assessment. Then she asked me if I had heard that Buddy Holly had just died. I hadn't heard. Sadness descended and overwhelmed.

I guess in that short moment before I woke up I could understand how all those folks felt back on February 3, 1959. Well they probably heard on February 4th or 5th as news didn't get around quite as quickly in those days.

I've invested more of my time the past week or so using Instagram. I like taking pictures. It's an app for sharing photos. Why has it taken me so long to embrace this technology? I don't know. Probably the same reason I resisted buying a digital camera to replace my Pentax K1000. It's odd though as I bought a digital camera long before I bought that Pentax. It wasn't my first camera though, as my Grandma Hogan bought me a cheap camera back when I was in grade school. And by cheap, I mean it was plastic and probably cost $5. I put one roll of film in it and I believe only one of the pictures may have actually turned out, though out of focus and quite uninspiring. It was the thought that counted and I always appreciated that gift, regardless of whether or not it worked. If you want to follow me on Instagram, my username is dbuban. Clever, right? I'm such a social media whore. Anyway, the internet needs more pictures of nonsense and it just so happens that I specialize in nonsense.

Speaking of nonsense, my roommate is watching another documentary show about aliens and mars and NASA and the government and conspiracies and oh Jesus...just let it end. I cannot stand this stupid shit. I could care less if they exist or not, I just hate the TV shows about the subject. Perhaps I need to stop being so judgmental about these things. Probably most things. It's a process.

File this one under roll my eyes and chuckle. The universe has quite a sense of humor sometimes. I don't read my horoscope all that often, but I happened upon a RedEye at work the other day and flipped through it and ran across the horoscope page. Here's what I found.

It just made me chuckle again.

And now, onto the rumor mill...

Now I don't know how this got started, but there's some silly rumor going around that involves me and my bike and a certain bridge on Halsted street near Archer and my face slamming into that bridge. I don't know how rumors get started or even why someone would waste their time starting them. These are things I cannot explain and certainly can't comprehend...which is probably why I can't explain them. I cannot confirm nor deny these ridiculous rumors. I also cannot confirm whether or not my body is battered and sore today. And I certainly don't know if I had to go to CVS to buy some superglue, so my roommate Alex could glue my ear back together. I don't know why these rumors spread so quickly and easily when almost no one could have possibly seen what probably never really happened. I have no idea what it feels like in that instant when you know your face is going to bash into a giant hunk of steel, but I don't imagine it feels all that good. For the person or the bridge. I have no idea who won the battle, but I imagine it was a draw. Ha! Get it? No? Drawbridge! Ha. 

Anyway, stop with the hearsay!

Also I'm fine.

Assuming the super glue actually works. 

Enjoy your evening, my friends!

King Nebuchadnezzar

So this is happening tomorrow night, which is, of course, May 9th in case you were unaware. There's a theatre group called The Bridge, which puts on shows every now and again in the performance space here at First Trinity Lutheran Church. Here's the FB link in case you're interested...

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-BridgeBridgeport/473306519468272

The Bridge puts on a show called Follow Spot, which is a monthly performance art showcase.

Why am I bothering to tell you all about this?

Good question, please allow me to answer.

My roommate, Bob Leone, has created this King Nebuchadnezzar musical which will close out the festivities tomorrow night at Follow Spot. He's been working on this twenty minute epic production for quite a while now and I've seen the rehearsal...it's quite impressive.

King Nebuchadnezzar, besides being a pain in the ass to spell, is a musical based on the first four chapters of the Book of Daniel, which is in the bible somewhere. It's basically about a King who kills a bunch of people by throwing them in a furnace because they are not bowing down to him and the God he created for them to worship. There will be aliens and a flying saucer and a briefcase full of Babylonian money and there's probably some sort of moral lesson to be learned as well, but I'm not all that good at lesson learning, so I probably missed it. I also think Bob might be going a bit crazy, but please don't tell him I said that. I'm sure he's not, but I just want to play it safe in case he actually is and this sets him off for some reason.

Regardless of his possible sanity, he did manage to hire some of the top performers in the Chicagoland area in order to bring his vision to reality. My other roommates, Greg and Alex, are involved. Greg plays an alien watcher and will have a singing part. Alex created the flying saucer and I'm not sure what else he's doing. My favorite eleven year old, Roxy, will be playing the role of the red guard, and believe me, she's quite an intimidating presence. She's also has an ego the size of Texas. Just ask Bob to show you her rider for the performance....item number 17 - six dozen white roses, each of which contains three flaming hot Cheetos delicately tucked inside the delicate white petals. Jazmyn and Ana will be belting out songs with their beautiful voices and Lauren will be advising the King, as that's what she does best...advising royalty. Tewz will be creating some crazy sound effects and just being pretty cool in general. It's a solid group of folks.

Now you're probably saying to yourself, that's all great and good, Dave, but why aren't you involved?

Another good question.

As you can see, I was not listed on the flyer.  Bob mistakenly thought I was way more awesome and talented than his musical deserved, so he left me out of the mix.

Until he didn't.

That's right. I'll be taking the stage for the first time tomorrow night since Frank Dazzo and I were the stage hands in the sixth grade variety show at J.B. Nelson elementary school. I totally kicked ass at opening and closing the curtain back then, and I'm going to totally kick ass playing the one percenter from the future tomorrow night. Bob thought so highly of my acting skills that he gave me the most important non-speaking role in his musical! He realized I was the only one capable of conveying meaning to an audience solely through the use of facial expression.

I have no idea why he would think something like that.

So that's what I'll be doing with my Saturday night. I hope each of you has something amazing lined up as well, but if you don't and you want to stop by for what will probably be the one and only time I'm in a musical, please do. You're more than welcome.

Sexy Time Book Review!

This is just a flat out fuck fest between a man, a woman, and their beloved puppy dog. It's a circular tale of lust gone wrong amidst the tall grasses in a field somewhere near what looks to be a fence. His chiseled face and gritty attitude, her unspeakable beauty and coy demeanor, and the dogs intense, collared S&M desires result in an Autumn Conquest that no one will soon forget. 

It's already understood that you're sucked into this complex saga, so I won't bother with the rest of my review...mostly because I figured it all out from the book cover, but here are some steamy passages to keep you piqued before you eventually purchase the book through Amazon. 

"She's still my wife,' Luke said calmly.

'That's easily remedied,' Perry Snapped.

Luke smiled at him with the insolent arrogance which could enrage a saint, but he made no answer. Instead he looked at Sara, the grey eyes resting briefly on Perry's arm around her waist, then moving up to her flushed, tear-stained face. 

'I'll see you at the funeral,' he said drily."

"She glanced past him at the open front door. Luke stood there, on his own home ground, his dark head wearing the barbaric look of a powerful Emperor in this new world. A primitive sensation of sheer panic thrust through her. Had she made a mistake, after all?"

"Luke caught Sara's arm and turned her to face him. 'Don't ignore me, Sara! I've told you before, I will not have it.'

'Let go of my arm,' she said icily.

His eyes flashed. 'Don't use that tone with me!'

'Don't you manhandle me, then!"

"She turned and ran upstairs without answering. Luke came after her, leaping the stairs two at a time. On the landing he caught her arm and held her prisoner.

'Sara, what's the matter? You change from hour to hour. I'm confused. Last night I had the feeling I was getting through to you, but this afternoon you've been as distant as ever..."

"I wanted nothing of the sort,' she protested.

'All right,' he said, 'what did you want? Tell me that.'

'I wanted to see you more than once a week,' she flung, her eyes bitter with unshed tears. 'I wanted a husband who came home to dinner, who took me to the theatre, who was a companion..."

"Before she could finish her sentence Perry had jerked her down into his arms and began to kiss her, one hand stroking her hair, loosening it from the diamond clip so that it fell in shining folds around her face.

'Perry, stop it,' she mumbled, struggling. 'I've got to tell you...I'm sorry, but..."

Holy balls! That is completely intense and I am sitting here wondering just how the hell it all turns out. I mean, I think I've known love and desire, but these three just take it to a level I had no idea existed. I'm like the Highlights magazine version of love and desire and this is like some trifecta of Bill Cosby, Courtney Love and Marmaduke all rolled up into one tangy, sticky, sweet fruit roll-up. I'm afraid of what I'll find if I unroll it, so I'll just take a few more delicious bites and gobble it all up as quickly as I can, knowing that I won't feel this sort of passion until I find another Harlequin Romance to sate my passionless existence. 

I'm sweating a lot. Can someone please open up a window?

Oh what do we have here? An order form? I do love me some history and when that history comes wrapped up inside the embrace of lovers, even better. Where'd I put that pen of mine? 

Unveiled Fortunes

People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner.
Damn right they do.

Never chase a dog into a dead-end alley.
That's good advice. Also, never chase a black bear back into its den. Chances are nothing good is going to come of doing something as foolish as that. And really, you shouldn't be hanging out in dead-end alleys anyway. If you want to hang out in an alley, pick a nice, brightly lit, open-ended alley in a nice neighborhood so you don't look so fucking weird. And stop chasing dogs for God's sake.

Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it. 
Now I feel weird about writing this blog, as I kind of think most of my readers are wise, but I realize my advice here is mostly just crap. So, uhhh...I guess do what you will with my advice. I'm not going to steer you in one direction or another, but just know that I wish you the best and only have your best intentions in mind.

A beautiful person is with you, confide your problems.
I'm the only one here in my room and yes, I'm beautiful and I'm a good person, but if you read my last blog post, you'd know that I'm kind of tired of confiding my problems with myself. I'm kind of tired of problems in general, that's why I'm working towards solutions. Jebus, this is supposed to be entertaining. No one cares about how beautiful I am. Or maybe it was the problem thing and confiding that you were caring about, I'm not sure. Either way, I'm still beautiful. Sorry if my beauty makes you envious.

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
Ahh...crap. I knew one of these was going to throw me for a loop and make me actually have to think for a minute. I guess a friend is just like an STD. A single virus dwelling in two different genital areas. Some friendships aren't meant to last. It's probably better that way. Get yourself some ointment.

Lucky numbers 27, 7, 36, 54, 22, 14

A merry heart does good like a medicine.
I got a tetanus shot and a whooping cough shot last week when I went to see my doctor. She listened to my heartbeat, but didn't say anything about whether it was a merry one. I don't get my test results back until later this week though, so I imagine there will be some info regarding how merry my heart is or isn't in the report. I'm going to guess, I'm on the low end of that spectrum, but I'm not a doctor, I just google stuff on the web for diagnoses and hope it's accurate. I know she managed to find a pulse though, so that seems like it's a favorable sign.

If you wish to see the best in others, show the best of yourself. 
Wish I had actually opened this fortune up and heeded its advice many, many months ago. Guess I'll just have to start doing that now. I've got a lot of best inside, I just don't communicate it all that well sometimes/quite often/most of time/way less often than is necessary. But perhaps, on the flip side, I'm just waiting for others to show the best in themselves and then I'll follow suit. So step up your game folks. I'm tired of waiting for your best self.

I Love My Grandma!

I love my grandma too! Both of them actually. They're deceased and have been for quite a while, but I still love them.

I just don't quite know which of these two in the picture is the grandma. They both have long hair. Looks like the chick on the left has a beard though, so maybe it's the other one in the dress, but they're both wearing a tiara. Jesus, I'm confused. Who the hell knows? Regardless, those are friendly looking butterflies on the frame.

10,000 Thanks!

Well it's taken over six years, but I finally reached the vaunted 10,000 page view plateau for Erased Chalkboard, so I'd like to thank all of you for taking the time to read this every now and again! Hopefully this here blog has provided you with some entertainment over those years, and hopefully it will continue to do so for many more years.

I appreciate all of the friends and family and strangers who have bothered to click on the links, and I especially appreciate those who have bothered to click on the links and actually take the time to read what was written. I know in this fast-paced, bit-sized world we live in, reading an actual blog post can be a chore, but I hope it's been worth your while. I've enjoyed writing them, as I need something to do with my time, and it gives me an opportunity to really hone my stupidity.

I suppose it's a drop in the bucket compared to the bajillion clicks some sites get, but I'm pretty happy with that drop.

So here's to another 10,000 page views before the year is out! I'll do my part. Feel free to do your part as well. And heck, while you're at it, share this with others if you think they'd be entertained as well.

I thank all of you from the deepest recesses of my soul! You help to bring back this kids smile.

If I Intend to Live Again

"If you intend to live again
Then take the outstretched hand
Of one who needs you
It's been so long, we've missed you

Why do you intend to speed your end?
Lie in the dark and let your limbs
Grow weaker, sinking low then deeper
How can you be so near and not see everything?"

Every now and again I feel as if I'm near, but it's only for short, fleeting moments. I don't see everything, that's for sure. I've been doing everything I can, as far as I know, to move on. Stuffing myself full of Science of Mind information. Eating well. Sucking down amino acids like they're delicious Sixlets. Waking up early. Going to bed early. Being productive. Writing more. Meditating. Exercising, when my silly back permits.

Sometimes though, none of that progress means anything. Believe me, the work I've done has helped tremendously, but it's obvious that I need to keep at it and ramp it up to some extent. It's only been two and a half months, but it feels like it's been ten years since I last wrapped my hand up inside of hers. It's worse every time Friday rolls around. Work keeps me busy and occupied during the week and then, all of a sudden, it's time for a few days off and I don't really know what to do with myself. I mean, I know what to do with myself, and I cross plenty of things off my to do list, but my mind doesn't know what to do with all that free time, so it just ends up seeking out the past. It's ridiculous how many things come back to you when you're in this state. There are all the obvious things, but my mind wanders into so many corners and crevices that I didn't even know existed. Everything seems to bring back a memory and this beautiful weather this weekend just made me think of all the things we could have been doing. I suppose when you spend that much time with someone the memory banks inevitably end up overflowing. What I'd give right now to access the spigot that would let it all pour out and go away forever.

Unfortunately, that spigot is my mind, and I'm not yet where I need to be as far as controlling it. I'll get there and I know it really hasn't been all that long, but I need to be more mindful of the things I allow into my mind.

One of those things is music. I've stayed away from a good bit of the music we shared, but I've been lazy as far as filling up my iPod shuffle. Clicking on one of my Buban Bash party playlists and filling it up just isn't cutting it at this point. Case in point, last night, when I was on my long journey home from my friends birthday party in Logan Square, I ended up walking down Halsted for quite a while, as the bus was nowhere near where I needed it to be. I'm listening to my iPod and these three songs came along in consecutive order...

The Mad Lads. I Don't Want to Lose Your Love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqeeiWPCVsM

"If you leave me baby, I'll keep on loving you anyway.
I wouldn't feel bad girl falling on my knees begging you to stay."

Rainbow. Since You've Been Gone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVlweGKZEqw

"I get the same old dreams, same time every night
Fall to the ground and I wake up.
So I get out of bed, put on my shoes, and in my head
Thoughts fly back to the break-up."

The Beatles. I Need You.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7nIWKApT30

"You don't realize how much I need you
Love you all the time and never leave you
Please come on back to me
I'm lonely as can be
I need you."

I guess I can be thankful that this one didn't start playing next, as it was on the iPod.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7th5Tm5-64

Fortunately, the Joan Baez version of The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down started playing instead. A few minutes later, I got on the bus, had insufficient funds on my Ventra card, exited the bus, and then called up an Uber. Forgot to account for all the bus and train rides this weekend. Oops a daisy.

I don't need to be hearing this shit constantly on my iPod. I constantly have to have my finger on the forward button, so I can skip through all the songs I don't want to deal with. If I didn't listen to music so much, I wouldn't have this problem, but I do, and I'll continue to do, but no more autofilling that iPod of mine. Loving music and barely being able to tolerate it don't go hand in hand very well. Those three songs are great songs, but I'd be fine if I didn't hear them again until 2016, at the earliest. And who the hell wants to hear those kinds of songs at a party? What was I thinking when I started assembling that playlist? It's supposed to be a party, a celebration, a fun time. No one wants to hear songs about love having disintegrated. Keep it happy, keep it upbeat. That's the message I'm trying to embed into my mind. Keep it happy. Keep it upbeat. Reversing a lifetime of negativity doesn't happen overnight. Rome wasn't built in a day and my mind isn't going to reverse all of that damage in two and a half months.

So I'll be more mindful of what I allow myself to hear. I'll be more mindful of what I'm allowing in. And I'll definitely be more mindful of what I'm allowing out, what I'm letting go.

"There's no point in beating yourself up.

The choice was made, deed is done, day is over.

Time to move on, and with no regrets.

Take with you the lesson but leave the judgment.

Just try again tomorrow."

And yeah, I know, I know, I'm not supposed to post these sorts of weakness/feeling/break up type of posts, but I don't really give a shit. It's my blog. It's how I'm feeling. Writing about it helps for some reason. I don't know why. I do enjoy the writing process, so I suppose whatever helps is a good thing. Sorting out your feelings is also a good thing, you should try it some time. Actually, we should probably do it all the time. 

And also I know everything happens for a reason and that everything will work out for the best in the end and that my thoughts determine what happens in my life. Sometimes it's all easier said than done. Someday (hopefully soon) that won't be the case. 

And also yeah, yeah, I know...I probably shouldn't post blogs during Blackhawks playoff games, but I'm not watching and perhaps you folks will read it later on after they've won. 

Throwback Thursday Windmill Herald Edition

During high school, I worked at the Windmill Herald, which was the go to local paper for all your community news in lovely Batavia, Il. I followed in the footsteps of my good friends Sean and Matt, both of whom had moved on to greener pastures career wise and weed wise. I kid, I kid...we were good, clean, decent kids, just trying to make a few bucks so we could afford some small luxuries in life. 

The Windmill Herald was owned and operated by the infamous Arlene Nick. She was a good woman, who cared more about that community than most of the residents combined. She certainly cared way more than I did, but that's not really saying much. When I was hired to be part of the newspaper production, she told me that I was the worst paper carrier she had ever had. I was flattered. It wasn't my fault that stupid route had like 130 houses on it and that there was an elementary school right next door to where I lived, which had a big garbage dumpster. Anyway, she gave me a second chance and she probably did the same for many other people. Her Kudos and Quips column was a must read for all  those who wanted to stay in the know. Rest in Peace, Arlene! You were taken way too soon, but you gave it your all while you were still here, so kudos to you! 

Arlene also provided me the opportunity to write my own article in the paper every now and again. As you can read below, I was just as brilliant back then as I am now. That woman had a keen sense for finding amazing talent. 

I also had the pleasure of working for Mark Foley, who radiated calmness and steadfastness, especially in the heat of the deadline. Mark never had a poor word to say about anyone, especially me, his favorite employee. Well, favorite besides  Eric Jones, who kept us laughing just about all the time. Or at least he tried to keep us laughing. Eric is a master at drawing caricatures and quite a few of those ended up in the newspaper over the years. 

It was a good couple years of working at the Herald. Many good times were had. Here are a few artifacts from those years. 

Wednesday Warblings about the Weekend

I just googled the definition of warbling, and I was thankful to know that it was sort of what I had imagined, so feel free to know that I am writing this blog in a quavering sort of manner. Feel free to read it in the same manner and I'll make sure to proofread it in that same manner as well. That's just how I do things...quavering and wavering and shaking all over just like The Who sang way back in the day before half of them were dead.

So I had a hell of a weekend. I'm sure you had the same, but I'm going to tell you about mine, whereas I may never know about yours, which is fine, but a bit disappointing, as there's nothing I like to hear more about than your weekend. Perhaps next time.

Friday night was spent at work. I put in a solid 12 hours on the job that day and night, which was fine, as I had nothing going on, and to be honest, the weekends don't mean as much to me as they used to. I just head home and take care of whatever needs taking care of...usually petting Maxine and going to sleep which isn't such a bad thing. So I was late at work running a HP TurboJet printer, which is one of the oddest looking printers I've ever seen. It looks like a rounded personal printer, except at about 200 times the size of a personal printer. Let's see if I can find a picture...

Ehh...I found a couple pictures, but none which were worthy of the meaning I meant to convey, so look it up for yourself if you're so inclined.

Saturday I arrived at work at 8:15 am, worked for five hours. Had some printing issues, which I could not resolve, so I left around 1pm to go buy some jeans and some shoes. I stand all day at work and need more support for my archless feet than my current shoes were providing. Got back at work around 3:30 pm, as the person who knows how to run that machine was going to be there, so he helped me get it back up and running correctly. Worked another five and a half hours and headed back home. Stayed up late 'til 11pm or so and then hit the hay pretty hard.

Didn't bother setting an alarm as it was soon to be Sunday morning and I thought it would be nice to sleep in for one morning that week. Woke up at 6:26 am. Oddly enough, I was pretty damned happy it was that early and I was ready to get on with my day. I'm still getting used to being a morning person, but I like it quite a bit. My fun night times have taken quite a beating, but I don't mind. It's nice to wake up ready for a new day as opposed to still regretting the last night. So here's what I took care of on Sunday... and perhaps this isn't much to all of you productive folk, but my productivity domination is still in it's infancy stages, so cut me some slack. Actually don't. I don't need your slack. I'm doing just fine without your sympathy slack.

Post Cubs tickets on CL for May 2nd. Still for sale if you're interested. I'll cut you some slack on the price.

Read a faux interview my friend Chris is working on.

Responded to a few emails I had neglected. I know...not too difficult, but I'm good at putting off communication.

Set my lineups for my fantasy baseball teams.

Go shopping for groceries.

Laundry. Washed it all...bedding included. Dried it all as well. Impressive I know. Put it all away as well.

Cleaned all the dishes and cleaned the sink area.

Read Bob's musical and critiqued it for him. I had nothing to add. He did a fine job writing it.

Decluttered some picture frames and some jeans and some shoes (I miss you my two favorite pairs of Converse, but I was never going to wear you again).

Removed the food from my shelves and put it on a different shelf in my room. Now the heat from the sun doesn't continually bake the food as it's sitting there, plus it's just a bit easier to access and it makes my shelves look less cluttered.

Went for a run, which was pretty damn long and felt pretty damned good, until it was all over and then I realized that's why my back was hurting, but whatever. A little back pain never hurt anyone. That's a total lie.

Mopped the living room.

Organized the loft area in my room and cleaned it.

Completely cleaned my room. Vacuumed the floor. Cleaned all the wires from my stereo and tied them up so they weren't out and about having an awesome time. Sorry wires. Cleaned my desk...it's spotless. That's always the hardest thing for me to clean in my room. Mopped the floor, except for all the parts that I just scrubbed with my hands while down on my knees...doing the dirty work that I usually pay my lesser self to take care of. Washed some of the walls. Washed the radiator. Washed the windows. Basically cleaned everything I could. My room has only been this clean twice before, but it's never looked quite this good, so I did good or well, whichever you prefer. :)

Before I could get to cleaning my room though, I decided to finish a project I had started a couple weeks earlier.

I've been collecting picture frames from God's Closet since I moved into this place and I never did anything with them, except collect them. I had good intentions, just never followed through on those intentions, which is a ridiculous waste.

I've also collected some artwork over the years, which I've never done anything with, which is also a ridiculous waste.

I also have an eleven foot tall wall, which is painted green and which has nothing on it.

What I'm saying is that this is like the first time peanut butter and chocolate decided to bang each other.

So many, many hours later, this is what happened. I'm pretty happy with the results. It makes for a much nicer, more creative living space. I didn't know how to hang much of anything on a wall before, but I did a pretty damned good job, if I do say so myself...and that's why I gave myself such a solid pat on the back.

I had a vision for all those crappy frames that were beaten up and deemed worthless enough for folks to give them away for nothing. Some folks may have questioned my mental state over the past couple years, as I kept collecting them time and time again, but perhaps now that the vision has become reality, they can understand why I was doing it. Or perhaps not. It makes no difference to me. I'm happy with it. Quite content actually. Happy as a lark, whatever the hell a lark is.

I dominated this past Sunday. And sorry to ruin what's supposed to be a day of rest, Jesus...but you're up on that wall, right where you belong....below the true king. The King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. So it was a good day. It's amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it and stop fucking around. There's also a photo in there of Rob Halford and K.K. Downing of Judas Priest, which I've had in the same frame since I was in 4th grade I think? Why do I mention that? Because you've got another thing comin'!

One life I'm gonna live it up

I'm takin' flight said I'll never get enough.

Stand tall I'm young and kinda proud

I'm on the top as long as the music's loud.

If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by

You're thinking like a fool 'cause it's a case of do or die.

Out there is a fortune waitin' to be had

If you think I'll let it go you're mad

You've got another thing comin'. 

Monday Night Musings

I just keep getting more and more clever with these post names. Or perhaps I'm just getting older and the synapses aren't quite firing quite as quickly.

I am getting old. My back has been hurting for almost a month now. Middle of the back. Not sure why it started. Not sure why it hasn't stopped. I've never had consistent back pain in my life, but now it's here and I'm going to need to do something about it. Fortunately I have an appointment with a new doctor next week. I'll ask her about it and perhaps she can give me some advice or refer me to someone who can. I blame it on the 15-20 pounds or so that I've lost in the last couple months. That fat belly of mine was keeping my spine in a beautiful state of equilibrium and I messed it all up with the not eating and then the transition to very healthy eating. I'm almost down to my wrestling weight. I'm not sure what that weight was, since I was never a wrestler, but I'm pretty sure I'm close to it. I did watch that one movie about wrestling though and I used to watch wrestling on TV back in the 80's. Also, I was invited to some sort of pudding wrestling match somewhere not too long ago, so that probably counts.

I didn't go.

I don't know that any of those things count for much at all.

After a small burst of blogging earlier this month, I've taken a break if you haven't noticed. Not that I planned on taking a break, or even wanted to take a break, but I had to do what I had to do and what I've had to do is get my body and mind in a better place. I've done a pretty good job at it so far and I've been quite productive for a good while now. I really don't understand how some folks get all the things done that they get done. They have the same 24 hours a day I have. I'm getting there. Just need to figure out the correct balance and continue to focus on the things that need to be done, and that I want to do, and not the things that would be fun to do, but are just counterproductive to the goal. Staying focused has never been an easy thing for me to do, but I'm working on it and I'm doing it more often than I have in a long time. There is no attraction without action, according to the information I've immersed myself in for the past couple months. Stay the course, focus and you'll receive whatever it is you want to receive. Or go way off course, as long as you're taking action and that's part of your plan.

Speaking of action, I took the action to go grab the space heater for my room after work today. I had gotten rid of it a week or so ago, as I figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore. That's what blankets are for, but I was wrong. My body is less blubberous these days and this sudden change in temperature has rendered my blanket theory to be quite premature and inaccurate. This Spring has been pretty decent so far, but I'm ready for some warmer temps. I suppose we're all ready for that, except for my brother Dan, who finally returned from his 8 month journey. I'm sure he had his fill of warmth and is happy to be back somewhere with winds that bite and cold that seeps through every layer. Probably not, but welcome back, "Daniel my brother...you are older than me do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?"

Nothing better than scars that don't heal, but I'm glad you're back home. Well almost home, as he's still out in Batavia, but that's close enough I suppose.

Well time to go make my healthy lunch and breakfast for tomorrow! It's a half hour past my bedtime. Guess I'm not as old as I thought.